alanonmama











{May.17.2012}   Glimpses

Every now and then, Hugh (my qualifier) and I take off our masks and we each get a glimpse of “The REAL Me” inside each one.
We spent the day with at my mom’s with her, my dad, and aunt. On these days, I attend my F2F meeting. It was a good one on choices.
We got home at bedtime (on time). The kids went right to bed.
Dh had been playing our online game for a while by the time I was ready to join him. I knew that we are, temporarily, at a place where we cannot play together without him facing a penalty. So, I put on my big (autonomous) girl panties on and let them (our buddy he was playing w) know that I would be playing on my own while they get work on their stuff. Had I not, they would have insisted I come with, but each would have resented it a little. Too clingy! So, being the mighty warrior I am (play), I went and ran a few quests by myself, and I did great! :). I wasn’t left out, because we still chatted as we played different parts of the game. We each got to see after our own “needs”. That’s a step up for me. For hours he debated aloud making “a beer run,” but didn’t.

Anyway…. We played. Then I got tired so I came here and blogged. Then I caught up on some Alanon backlog. Then I decided to drift off to sleep. That’s when my dear A husband came out to get a snack. Afterwards, insteaD of going back to game more, he came and Snuggled himself down beside me in the recliner. He pulled me close. Tucked my hair behind my ear, rubbed back, looked in to my eyes, SMILED at me…. Touched me… In a totally platonic type of way. I hadn’t been touched that way, in platonic kindness, for a very long long time. I let the words escape that I forgot how much I liked to be touched…. How good it felt to be touched as an end, not a means to one. We layed like that, looking, touching, feeling for over an hour. We went to sleep. Later, we woke up and started kissing… Something he very rarely does with me. It’s been over 6 years since we have “made out”. Even when we had my very first ever (awesome) make up sex, back in April, I we still didn’t kiss.
This time we did. A lot. He was kind and giving. He Didn’t smell like A. He took care of my needs first. Whoa. We made love. Really made love. We woke up snuggly, blushing, and giggling. Both of us. Now THAT is the man I married. It was my CHOICE. Today I am being careful not to be to clingy or fall into thinking things are better/fixed. For me, this is the “taking luck as it comes” part of that Just For Today poem.

Boy, life is complicated.



et cetera