alanonmama











{May.10.2012}   Timely guidence

I am noticing, that very often, we find exactly what we are in need of in the program.  There has yet to be a meeting where I felt like I couldn’t deeply identify with the topic at hand.

Last night was no different.  I was, as I said, in a bad place.  I tried reaching out to some members in my home group, but the timing was poor.  A fruitless search.  I looked at the time and realized I could get in on a teleconference meeting.  The Alanon phone bridge is definitely a blessing.  If you every try one meeting and have disappointing results, I encourage you to try a different time/day/topic, or even just try the same one next time.  I’ve had really mixed results regarding the format and easy or unease of leadership, but that’s part of having a volunteer program and so very many people gathering on a phone line together (my largest meeting so far had seventy people on at once).  

 Anyhoo… I jumped on just in time for introductions and to hear the bulk of the meeting.  They read from How Alanon Works, which I bought a week ago, but forgot to bring home.  They asked for a suggested topic and the two biggest things I was struggling with were up for vote: acceptance and personal boundaries/detachment. I voted for detachment.  It was very, very, very helpful and I can’t wait to get a hold of my copy to re-read it.  If I recall correctly, it was ch. 11, pg. 82 or somewhere nearby.   I guess I am back at step one again.  I am having heart-doubts that my A husband isn’t intending to be so careless and hurtful.  The meeting seemed to tell me it’s okay to HATE the disease, but not the A.  I was feeling like it was WRONG of me to feel angry, scared, resentful, etc.. BUT I am learning that honesty about our feelings IS important.  Who and Why we share them, is what matters.  I heard the Acronym “THINK” for the first time.  Image

I think it will help me to find out when to share with him how I feel about something that has happened and when to find another outlet for that.  I can’t articulate a lot of what I am feeling and thinking about this right now.  It’s too complicated… but I CAN share that my concerns were addressed without me manipulating someone else to address it.  I got what I needed.  I left the rest.  I feel more hopeful again.  The relief from my anxiety was almost immediate.  I can’t wait to re-read and meditate upon those passages more.

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